Saturday, July 31, 2004
HOME ALONE...

Left.
Sad.
Lonely.
Missing.
If only... iF ONLY...

I FEEL DESERTED...

Once in my life, I felt like being left alone to face the world.
Achy Mei, Achy Ning, Lian, and Kuya Mel set off awhile ago for Tuguegarao.
I want to come with them.. I miss my family so much...
Yes... I really want to...
But, I'm left with no choice but to stay and review for the Preliminary exams.
Punyetang Prelims yan!...

...Bakit wala yung pang-lima nyong anak, mare?
...Pare, nasaan na yung inaanak kong si Romir? 

We- My family is supposed to be complete.
Syempre, ako na naman ang pampagulo...
Papa got mad because I changed my mind and decided not to go home.
I'm sure Jarah, whose 1st birthday will be tomorrow, is be disappointed.

Sarah Isaiah Lao To Gavino... I Love my second adorable niece!...


  
[sshhh... tulog na nga, bantay pa nya wallet nya! hehehehe]

  
[oh! di'ba.. cutie.. kamukha ko! hehehehe]

Jarah,
        Sori hindi nakapunta ang tito sa first birthday mo. Alam kong importanteng kumpleto kami dapat pero as usual, panira na naman ako. Uuwi naman ako diyan next week. I know naiintindihan mo kasi you're a quiet and a good girl. I Love You very much.. stay as sweet and as good as you are. I Love you!!... Happy Birthday!...
 
Sorry... Tito loves you...

Add to it my fast-earning eagerness to be with my family.
Fuck this Life!...

I thought I made the right decision.
I thought I could endure.
I thought it's all about fun and enjoyment.
Now I know... I'M WRONG...

I feel alone.
I know it would be temporary because Kuya Mel will be here sunday night.

The feeling still lingers within the recesses of my mind -
And I hate it!!

I hate being alone...!

God.. Please.....

Thursday, July 29, 2004
OF HELLO PANDA'S, CHICKEN TERIYAKI AND MY CHILDHOOD...

At last. kate showed up. whew!...
Sa wakas! naibigay na namin yung surprise na
Red Ribbon Cake and yung sangkaterbang
Hello Panda at Tinny Winny.. Hehehehe... [that's happy!]

Kuya Mac, Ate Nori, Kat, Chino, PiBi and I ate sa BRB kanina [pati daw ba 'yun ikwento?!].. hehehe... I just am happy na WE ARE family.. sa Org... Haaaay! Chicken Teriyaki felt so tasty eating it with with them...

Anyway, I felt my elementary life rejuvenate inside of me.
Ian, my cousin, and I [right now, we're here.. sa Excel..] met...
We saw Monica [kinakapatid ko, klasmate nung 4th n 5th grade].
Oh! Don't forget Allan! [klasmate 4th grade and 1st,3rd yr hs]
SI Sunshine pa pala [kalmate ko nug grade 1]...

Oh! di'ba!... FEELING ELEMENTARY!...

I'm just glad the bond's still there...
I miss being a child.
I miss being me.

ENGLISH 101
childlike - positive;child sense
childish - negative; isip bata ka tsong!
 
uhmmm.... CHILDLIKE.. hehehehe...

I'll end here.
Got no other things to say...

Miss my family so much!
I Love You all!...
Mwah!...

God... please... I love you...

Wednesday, July 28, 2004
FIRST TIME HURTS...

I am sick.
High fever.
Cough.
Sore Throat.
Colds.
Ito pala yung sinasabi nilang magkakasakit ako.

I was absent the first 2 periods in class.
I just came to school because it's Kate's special day.
Amputa..! ABSENT SIYA!...
 
Sumasakit parin ulo ko...
In times like this, I need my parents.
I need my family.

Achy Ning, Lianne and Kuya Mel will be leaving on friday.
I hope my illness would disappear asap.

Sabi nga nila magsisisi daw ako sa bandang huli.
Ito na nga yata yun...
 
^^^^^^^^

Gosh!
Yesterday...
   Jeanesse: Oy! wat plano natin tomorrow?
   Myrrh: Surprise naten si kate.
   Lori: Oo nga!
   Jello: Ako na bahala sa cake.
   Jeanesse: Ube ha!
   Rhyn: Ano ka ba?! I kaw lang kakain nun!
   Liz: Choco Mousse nalang
   Doinx: Yah! Tama!
   Jeanesse: O, ito...
   Myrrh: Magkano ba?
   Jello: Tig-100.
   Lori: Bili ako ng flowers okay?
   Rhyn: Tsaka Hello Panda!
   Liz: Oo nga! teeny Weeny narin..
   Doinx: Oo nga!...

***KABLAG***

Next morning:
   Jeanesse,Lori,Liz,Doinx,Jello,Rhyn: Wala pa si kate!
   Myrrh: Anak ng tinapa!...

***KABOG***

If making surprises fro my friends was a tough job,
Pag kay KATE, super duper mega over TOUGH!...
Imagine surprising the birthday celebrant without having her see the surprise?!
-MAGULO?!.. Oo.. magulo talaga...

^^^^^^^^

Haaaayy.. Check papers sa Filipino.
Quiz sa English tomorrow.
Checking of quiz sa PGC.
Sangkaterbang numero na naman bukas sa math! [puta!]

^^^^^^^^

Lord, sana gumaling na'ko.
I Love you...
Take care of my family...

Tuesday, July 27, 2004
HELP HERE... [one topic fake]

Started my role as a staffer today.
Hard?!.. Nah!...
I helped make the mini-posters.
Boy did I enjoy making it.
probably because I just find it amusing.
Or, because finally, I got to work inside the Org room.

^^^^^^^^

Mali ako ng entry kahapon.
Bukas pa pala birthday ni kate.
[alam kong binabasa nya to ngayon!]
Unluckily, We didn't plan ANYTHING BIG for our friend.

I remember when I was in High School.
Grabe! Todo plan ako!..
Kaya miss kona ulit ung mga dati kong friends.. huhuhuhu...

^^^^^^^^

I've decided.
I'll not come home on the 29th.
Though I would miss the first birthday of Jarah, Siguro naman maiintindihan niya and tito niya.. after all, she is a good girl.

I'll come home siguro thursday night next week.
I really miss john, shobe, mama, papa, je, nuno, jarah... MY FAMILY...

That makes me sad and teary-eyed again... huhuhuhuhu...

^^^^^^^^

I have to go.
Kain daw kami sa BK nila kuya Mac..

^^^^^^^^

God... I hope and pray that each day, you'll guide and protect my family and friends, from evil, harm and danger. Keep us away from sins and temptations and grant us the grace of good health, long life, safety and happiness.. Lavyah!...

Monday, July 26, 2004
FRIENDSHIP DAY...

Karel, Beth and I went out today.
Saan? S Robinson's Ermita na naman!.. Sus! Parang bahay na nga namin yun eh!..

hey! gotta new pic! hahaha!...




I asked Jannah and Marna to come with us.
Pero it seems that they have some other things to do.
Other things MORE important than US..

I'm just not in the mood right now...
I can't think of anything...

^^^^^^^^

tOmOrRoW....

Happy Birthday KATE!
I WabYou.. Mwah!

^^^^^^^^

I Love My Family...
God, God, God...
I Love You...

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

DEDICATE this to KATE...

Kate met an accident yesterday.
She fell of the window.
Suicide?! nah!... More of the tendency to walk asleep..
The phenomenal SLEEPWALK [ni kate]

We laughed. Not realizing the pain felt by one of our friends.
Later we realized that we should make it up with her.
She's gonna have her 19th birthday on Monday.
Accident:Early Birthday gift?.. [she does not deserve it]




To Kate.

I'd like to be the sort of friend that
you have been to me;
I'd like to be the help that
you've been always glad to be;

I'd like to mean as much to you
each minute of the day
As you have meant, old friend of mine,
to me along the way.

I'd like to do the big things and
the splendid things for you,
To brush the gray from out your skies
and leave them only blue;

I'd like to say the kindly things that
I so oft have heard,
And feel that I could rouse your soul
the way that mine you've stirred.

I'd like to give you back the joy
that you have given me,
Yet that were wishing you a need
I hope will never be;

I'd like to make you feel as BEAUTIFUL as I,
who travel on
Undaunted in the darkest hours with you to
lean upon.

I'm wishing at this time that I
could but repay
A portion of the gladness that
you've strewn along my way;

And could I have one wish this moment,
this only would it be:
I'd like your pain to disappear
And just slip away so free.

God.. help me.. and my family.. and my friend...

Saturday, July 24, 2004
SUDDENLY...

Suddenly, I miss my friends...
I miss Marna, Karel, Rojannah, Judee and Doreebeth...
I miss our endless kuwentuhans, tawanans, trips and tambays...
I miss them.. Really...

THREE OF MY BARKADA's



***KAREL



***MARNA



***JANNAH

^^^^^^^^
Lav yah all...
To God.. *kiss*

NO MORE, NO LESS...

Lost truth now seen.
Secrets unrevealed.
Heart lightened.
Mind ready to do it again.

We had the freshmen recollection this morning at the medicine auditorium.
Songs of praises, deep reflections, sincere prayers coupled with the 'icy-mint' temperature in the venue made me feel close to God again.

I've bitten into joining lots'a students which would want their sins to be revealed and forgiven through confession.

Yes, I confessed.

It took me about 5 minutes to say my various-related sins.
15 minutes for the priest to give me unrelated advices.
And 5 fastbreak minutes to do my penance.

At last. for about 4 years of keeping that secret inside my heart and mind, without anybody knowing it, I have revealed the truth that made my soul be 'stain-free'.

It sounded funny when the priest gave me an advice about "taking into medical attention... contact psychiatric help". Boy was I surprised...Horrified.

Blatantly, I have confessed of my being a homosexual.
*Pucha! Kailangan English pa! Kano kasi yung pari!
If it is a sin, then I ask God to forgive me.
But if 'Not being true to yourself' is also a sin, I'll stick to being what-or who really I am instead of being uncomfortable doing things I'll surely regret and be unhappy of.

^^^^^^^^

At last! I'm coming home on the 30th.
Achie Mei would be here by tuesday.
Boy am I excited!...

^^^^^^^^

Hey! I saw the "TWO GUYS" who inspire me in my day to day life in UST.. hahaha...

THIS IS LOURECK... The Tiger.. #15 UAAP Player.. Love his body.. ;-b


THIS IS COCO... The Artist.. Architecture freshie.. Love his looks 'ala DION IGNACIO'

^^^^^^^^

This story's getting too far...
I CAN MANAGE IT...
After all, My family and God are with me...

The bottomline is, I AM WHAT I AM.
And I'm proud of WHO I AM.
No more. No less.

Friday, July 23, 2004
KELAN BA CALL TIME KO?

Mind tormented.
Dreams unfulfilled.
Lovelife undetectable.
Illusions willingly extend...

Dreaming is good. But dreaming too long is worst than a year of nightmares.
I have always dreamed of becoming Aurora in the sleeping beauty.
A prince available and ready to kiss away all my problems and wearies.
A kiss that would mean my life's unending Joy.






***THE KISSES***

It is impossible. Partly. because everything or anything in this World is-Possible.
I kept believing this dream would come true.
But up to now, there's not even a sign that I would put this long-term dream to reality.
It seems that it would remain a dream 'til I get my calltime from God.

Call Time...

Call time sa Lovelife
Call time sa Virginity
Calltime sa Buhay
Calltime sa CR
Calltime sa Shooting/Taping
Calltime sa MRT
Calltime sa Lotto
Calltime sa Lahat...
Sabi nga ni Mr. Matias, ETCETERA,ETCETERA,ETCETERA...

I once heard the line:
Hold fast on your dreams. For if dreams die, Life is a broken wing that cannot fly. SUS!...
But what if I AM really holding, grabbing, and even putting it absolutely near myself, would it make a difference?

Maybe I just fear something...
..baka perahan lang ako [anong ihuhuthot ko? pepet ko? ay! wala pala akong pepet! hehehe...]
..wala namang serious na relationship tulad nun ha?!
..bakit kapa kasi umaasa eh wala namang ganun?
..ano nalang ang sasabihin ng family mo? at ng ibang tao?
..pa'no pag namatay ka sa ginagawa mo? di'ba may g.serial killer?
..are you ready?

Ask me that,
I DON'T KNOW...



Mind STILL tormented.
Dreams UP TO NOW, unfulfilled.
Lovelife NEAR-ETERNALLY undetectable.
Illusions BID willingly extend...

I Lift MY hands to HIM...

LIFE'S ANOTHER DRAG...

If only I could make myself a new one-of-a-kind bad word...
Oh! Wait a sec... Santos... Right?! [PERFECT!]

I prepared for our powerpoint presentation in biology.
I really prepared.
Slept 2:00 AM this morning, and went to school about 6:45.
Ran here and there, worked for an MMR reservation, and carried loads of things.

Then I get 0 [zero]...

Fuck Santos!...
Fuck!...

^^^^^^^^

Surprised what the faery of Beauty told me... [kate]
Yah, It's not proper to say it IN here...
Instead of feeling eecky yucky [which I am not really supposed to,]
I felt reality open in front of me...

The Reality that I ahven't tasted an inch of the Life called Love..[Parterly Love-is there such?!!]
Always dreamt of spending my life with somebody I really love... But 'til now, he's nowhere to be found...

Yeah, I know... I vowed not to talk about-or even think about it last night. But, HALLER!?! are you okay?.. It's just that I feel abnormal... peculiar...

^^^^^^^^

wISH i'D BE HOME NOW...
i ReALLy MiSs MY fAmIly...

Buti nalang I am STILL inspired...

This is LOURECK.. My inspiration...

GOD, HELP ME...

Thursday, July 22, 2004
Liar Liar...

I Lied.
I told Achie awhile back that I came from Quiapo.
I really took the road in quiapo but I came from Ayala...
LIAR!

School?
Well, SISIW yung quiz sa Filipino...
F***! Report na nami sa Biology! [at anon'ng ginagawa ko?!]
OmiGod! Quiz sa Philo bukas!...

Lovelife?
*MYRRH'S DICTIONARY... SCANNING...*
Ano yun? What does that mean?
 
Inspirations?
Parents, Brothers and Sisters, Friends... and God...

Promise?
From now on, I'll focus more on my studies and my family... And myself...
Forget that stupid L.Life...!

Supplication...
God, Help me to be strong.
Keep me inspired and open minded...
I hope tomorrow would be A-Okay for all of us...

Triumph on Freedom...
Hatred comes from hearts
That have drowned their love
Enmity thrives in hearts
For whom God means no love.

War comes from hearts
That have dwarfed their brotherhood
Mayhem grows amidst faults
Unreconciled for the boom of good.

Forgiveness blossoms from hearts
That discover triumph in humility
Vendetta moulds around hearts
Like caves plundered by brutality.

When emotions trample over wisdom
We must step backwards and pause
For revenge is like a curse
It denies souls the triumph of freedom.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Once again in my life, I felt accepted...
Big thanks to Ate Nori and Kuya Mac.
Little Caesar's in Laong Laan would be memorable for me.
 
Kuya Mac made me cry.
He said that he really expected [more than I did] for me to become an officer.. [HERE WE GO AGAIN!]
I cried because I felt I am important... I am needed...
Thank You...
 
Though later this afternoon, I still felt that 'O-P' thing.
Parang wala lang sa kanila lahat...
 
ENOUGH!
 
^^^^^^^^
 
Hey! got 81% in RC!.. 1.75 grade! Not too bad for a non-reviewee... hahaha!...
I hate Mrs. Raquepo..! She condemned my incessant way of laughing [who cares! no one SHOULD!.. Duh!]
 
^^^^^^^^
 
Met Reena's Beau.. Shit! He's hot... I wonder when would my lovelife flourish... or EXIST?!...
 
^^^^^^^^
 
I miss Jarah, Mama, Papa, Shobe, John, Jedje [his birthday today], Manung No, and the rest of the gang... MY FAMILY... MY HOME...
 
^^^^^^^^
 
GOD, make me feel special...

Monday, July 19, 2004
Three Days, Three Mixed Nuts

If there's such thing as an 'emotion salad', I am probably having a load of one.
 
Ever heard of FADING FUN?
 
We had our Fresh Party [a concert dedicated to the freshmen] the other night.
It was fun. Apparently, I can't find fun.
 
We enjoyed it.
Eliza, Katrina and I. [waves, headbangs, yells, laughter, trips... and oh! yung ka-eyeball ni Eliza]
Where's:
-Jello? Oh! she was with her high scool friend.
-Jeanesse was nowhere to be found because she was afraid of the UST sea.
-Kate... uhmm.. looks like she needs to be excused because she's sick.
-Donna, well, we saw her the latter part of the concert- ready to go home.
-Lori? His Mom and Dad won't let her out. WHy?.. Dunno..
 
It seem s that this 'friendship thing' is starting to fade - or maybe, at least, be unexciting.. [can't blame anyone you know!]
Well, They are my friends. And I Love them for being so.
 
^^^^^^^^
 
If you call it LEADERSHIP and SERVICE
Yesterday was the Commerce Sportsfest.
 
*Am I a 'bibo kid' or what?!*
Lots of I's:
 
I helped bring the balloons to the venue [from the ccsc office to the eng'g complex]
I helped attach these balloons. to at least 16 heioghts of  3 meter-posts.
I was asked to go back to the Org room and look for kuya james.
  ...Kuya James was not there
  ...Kuya James went straight to the complex
  ...Kuya James asked me if I bought a roll of film
  ..."Nobody asked me to buy"...
I was asked to buy pieces of chalk.
 
I must not feel this way... I have no right to feel this way... It was MY choice
 
DImples left the work. Reasoning out the fact that we didn't help.. [Is this some sort of a boomerang type of work?]
Where are the students WHO PASSED the staffer-search?! [hey! as far as I know, Kuya James just asked me to join. I did join because I want to help, and not to be helpless]
 
ENOUGH!
 
^^^^^^^^
 
FRIENDLY DATE
 
Karel and I, literally had a date - a 'friendly-movie-date'
We watched 'The Prince and Me' at Robinson's Place this afternoon. [boy was it sweet!-THE MOVIE..]
Shopped her dress for her activity tomorrow...
And, went home...
 
^^^^^^^^
 
WHEN can I be HOME?
 
I had the chance to talk to Shobe over the phone [wow new discovery! P5/minute! kewl!]
I told her my plans for her Prom [Sa feb pa 'yun ha!?]
It really shows - I miss them... I miss ALL of them... ['coz I Love Them]
 
^^^^^^^^
Math Quiz tomorrow [ no passing grade yet!]
God help me!...
 
I Hope God continues to answer my prayers...

 

Share Ko Lang

Too early huh?
 
Paid a first visit at Kate's house [actually, naki-gamit pa'ko ng internet! ;-b RIGHT NOW!]
It just reminds me of HOME... Mama, Papa, Bro's and Sis's, Nieces, Manag Andeng, Manang Edna, Manang AIda, Manung Juaning, mang Leo, Mang Val, Uncle Anxo, My whole 'PROMDI' Lyf.
I miss my bed... My room.
Don't mention yung kusina at yung ref!... gOsh!...
 
I wanna be home nah!
I can't feel the warmth and 'welcome-ness' here. Never thought it would be this hard. I've longed for this... I've foolishly longed for heart and headaches...
 
^^^^^^^^
 
I never get contented... Never...
 
at 4:00 today, I would again bid for something...
Mag-aapply na naman ako sa Pre-Com. As Staffer Lang nga..
[Hoy! Hindi ka pa ba natututo?]
Silly BIBBO KID!...
 
*Si kate, tulog... Share ko lang..!*
 
Earlier [kaninang gising pa siya]
She taught me how to edit my silly blogger page.
ALso how to upload pictures and stuffs.
*Wala lang! Share kolang!...*
 
^^^^^^^^
 
Not too confident on my ALgebra quiz awhileback...
Tomorrow is 'Natural Science Quiz' Day.
For crying out Loud! RC? Can't help but cry...
 
^^^^^^^^
 
God, I Love You...

Saturday, July 17, 2004
Lonely, Ecstatic, Excited or Just Nothing?

I feel so stirred.
True faith and M.Y.M.P. will come invading our school tonight..
*excited!... FRESH PARTY tonight!...*

I have so many things to think about.
So many things to do.
Unidentifiable things needed.
Oh, how will I make it through?

My response: [harharhar!]

No, I Will Not Surrender

No, I will not surrender to all that surrounds me
though thousand pounds lay on my shoulders
and await release from long laid clutter
like muddy rivers in the rain
like a thousand fingers tugging at this pain.
I will not be blindfolded
I will not be obstructed
I will not give in
though tension this body abounds
and deafening voices in my spirit shout
I'll soar above the darkened clouds
and reach new heights of which I dream
When all is not as it would seem
When I am not all that I wish to be.
when burden my eyes fog and weigh on my being
like thousand pound boulders
and drag me down to deep drowning wells
drag me down to drowning hells
and lonely roads of darkened woods
I stand alone
no sun to guide me
no tender touch to stand beside me
No, I will not surrender
to the confusion that embraces me
and the fear that binds me
locked deep in my soul
like a fearful enemy
lurking in darkened overwhelming shadows
I will rise above it all
I will not relinquish all that I have
I will not submit to lonely paths
and empty nights of cold winds blowing
or shivering nights and solitary evenings
displaying all obstacles that attempt to destroy me,
attempt to entrap me
No, I will not give in
I refuse to surrender to all that binds me
and locks me in to this misery I feel
liked padded locks 'til my soul reveals
the strength in me...
I'll overcome
and rise above...
No I will not surrender
No I will not be blindfolded, muted or gagged
I refuse to give in
No, I will not be obstructed
No, I will not give you all that I am
No, I will not give in...
to empty, lonely, eager shades of me.


^^^^^^^^

gOsh! got 86 in English 101 today.
something like a 1.25 grade..
Yah.. I know, it's not enough...
mali ba yung sagot kong
FLYPAPER? eh yung CONNOTATIVE?! [hmP!]

Oh! got an exam on Algebra on monday..
[review myrrh! review!]

^^^^^^^^

I miss my parents, brothers, sisters and nieces...

I know God's always there to protect and guide them - us.

And I also know that he knows the best...

I hope God has big plans for me...

^^^^^^^^

Tomorrow will be our Sportsfest..
Hey! Logistics committee member ako!.. [CCSC]
Great!, I'm now gonna be able to be ACTIVE.. [read:bibo kid]

^^^^^^^^

Ma,Pa,-My family.. I miss and Love you...

GOD, I Love you...

Tuesday, July 13, 2004
I Admit...

I konw that it has been so long since I made a blog entry. And I am amenable of my duty of talking 'bout lots'a things...

Today..

I admit, I AM happy..

Kuya James [CCSC Officer] asked me to be a part of the College Student Council's Logistic committee. We're up for making plans for the upcoming sportsfest... I'm glad that, at last, I can be active in school [I hope!]...

I'm So.. Inspired....

YOU ARE LOVED...

May God reach down
& love you
in His own special way.

May you know
you're loved,
each & every day.

May you see,
from God's dear eyes,
the value of your worth.

May His love show you
the most precious things
on this earth.

That's it for now.. I admit, I'm Lazy.. [for now]

Thursday, July 08, 2004
NO ORG, NO ORG, NO ORG...

I'm still tring to think of reasons why I shouldn't be depressed...

last night, Ate Nori, Ate APril, Ate KrisSy and Kuya Mac spent time sending messages to me.

here it goes:

[kuya mac]
10:08 PM
July 6, 2004

wen
tyms
gt
hrd
dt
u
cn
hrdly
escape
ur
bad
destiny,
or
wen
u
cnt
pull
thru,

i'l
be
ur
strength..

if
u
bcom
tyrd
& exhausted,
u
rest
1st...


AKO MUNA FIGHT FOR YOU...

[pre-com org]
07:18 AM
July 7, 2004

Ur invitd 2d precom oficers quest finale. 6 ofcers who passd wil b announcd. we'l mit 2day at the castle. 12-1 pm 4 d am&pm.

[kuya mac]
12:43 PM
July 7, 2004

Myrrh, sobrang apktado ako s ngyari.. Lm ko ng-xpect k n ur family.. Dnt lose hope. may plano kmi pra sau.. mhal k namin..

[ate nori]
12:45 PM
July 7, 2004

nori here. dnt fil bad kc i fil bad. kung lam m lng kung gaano ko gus2 n mgng ofcer ka. if its ok sna i wnt u 2b prt of my cmiti, publicity cmity.

[kuya mac]
12:48 PM
July 7, 2004

A.Krissy here, making dat decision ws tough 4 us. pati kmi nanghhnayang.. rmmbr dt no matter wat, nand2 lng kmi..-ako..

[ate nori]
06:50 PM
July 7, 2004

ac2ly kw tlga yun. kc wen we 1st saw u s intrview, we lykd u agad. un nga lng, not all. U cn nver please evrebdy ryt?. bsta u gave ur best. just continue doing dat..

[kuya mac]
08:16 PM
July 7, 2004

xempre i dnt hav 2 name names.. gn2 nlang gwin m.. try ol d tings dt u cn do pra marealize nila n mali ung dcsyon nla.. prove 2dem na ikaw yan.. Gudlak..

[ate april]
08:33 PM
July 7, 2004

Hi r0mir! dis is april. i wasnt able 2go sa castle knina bt i herad of wat happend. dnt fil sad. ac2ally, nsa top k, kya lng we onli need 6. I can see hw dedic8td u r wen it comes to d org. sobrang tnx tlga! bsta if we hav proj n actvties, pririty k nmin. tnx!

[kuya mac]
09:20 PM
July 7, 2004

ACtually, ikaw tlga gus2 ko sa position na Logistics Usec, ndi sa d ko gus2 c dimples, pero kw tlga personal choice ko.. pang 3 si dimples..

^^^^^^^^

Ayaw nung iba sakin? eh 'di huwag! It's not my loss.. It's theirs...

SHET!
All I feel is that i'm a garbage can na nayupi-yupi... I worked hard for it. But I haven't gotten any.. FuCk!

^^^^^^^^

I thought of joining the Commerce Journal even before I decided to have the interview of P.C., but guess what? the moment I inquired at the C.J. office *SLAM!!!*.. [shet! tpos na ung qualifying exams.. kahapon yung last schedule.. FuCK!]

^^^^^^^

Matias again tomorrow! leche!

^^^^^^^

I hope God has better plans for me..
I miss my family.. I hope they'll forever be okay..

God knows what's right...

Wednesday, July 07, 2004
I CRIED... [my many-bad-words blog]

I've never felt so REJECTED before... [shit!]

PRE-COM, the org that I've been almost dying to be a part of literally REJECTED me to be one of their Officers.

Although I'm happy because my friend Kate became one of them, I still am amenable of being depressed and a 'dummy' because of not being blessed of being one.

I don't know what went wrong.

I spend 2 minutes in the chapel having it included in my prayers [hey! hindi lang naman ako nagdadasal para sa mga gusto ko noh!]

I made many sacrifices. [Race2Lead that made me feel the worst MIGRAINE in my entire life.. Ang hirap nun noh!]

I had to be absent on one P.E. class last wednesday just to attend the final interview... [Shet!]

hhhhaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!

I really feel so down. Actually, i cried. not because i lose [though i expected and i'b be a hippo if i deny that i havn't] but because I have given my best but I had to reap nothing... Shet!

It's so hard!...

I hope I get over this feeling...

I feel so down and disapproved... Leche!

*nakuha ba si Lagmay?! sino'ng Asst. Treasurer? Halata namang kuha na si Dimples, eh si "smile mo kita ko guy"? si Kat kaya nakuha?! [ba't kaba nakikialam ng buhay ng may buhay!?]*

I'm starting to wish that i must have not tried entering the org [nobody likes me there except ate nori].

Right now, Still, I am crying...

^^^^^^^^
Got a failing grade in ALgebra.. Shet!
[what a day!.. fuck shit!]

^^^^^^^^
I miss my family and friends.. It's them who i turn to when I feel this way. My new friends never really understood me. they just kept on blabbering that "you expected kasi eh, bakit ka kasi nag-expect, yadda-yadda-yaddah!" Fuck!!!!!...

^^^^^^^^
I hope God, really has better plans for me...!

***stupid tears still dripping.. [nakakahiya, dito pamandin sa internet shop!]

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

katrina and I had a fight.
[so what?!]

But we're okay now.. I guess..

Petty Misunderstandings?! [it can be]
But, whose FAULT?!.. [no comment]

I just don't wanna talk about this anymore...

^^^^^^^^

Bad! Nag-absent ako sa RC! Pero okay lang. AT LEAST, nakagawa ako ng assignment sa FILIPINO.. [shyet, it reminded me of something...]

^^^^^^^^

MAY NEW CRUSH AKO! MAY NEW CRUSH AKO! MAY NEW CRUSH AKO!
si... BASTA! HEHEHE...

^^^^^^^^

Wala akong magawa! punyeta!
[eh kung gawin mona kaya yung assignment mo!]

^^^^^^^^

Miz kona ang aking sinilangang probinsya... SOBRA!!!
[naiiyak na naman ako!]

^^^^^^^^

Sana Okay anga FAMILY koh...
Sana bukas OKAY ang buhay ko...
Sana makuha ako sa PRE-COM Org...
Sana Magka-LOVELIFE na'ko...
Sana Mas maging STRONG and friendship naming 8...
Sana maging DEAN's LISTER ako.. [F-E-E-L-I-N-G!!!]

SANA MARINIG 'TO NI GOD...

Sunday, July 04, 2004
A HOMESICK PERSON's PRAYER...

Yes! Sunday tomorrow... No classes..!

^^^^^^^^

I miss tugue.. So much.. I have dreamed of entering college in UST until I have experienced the agonizing pain I am going through right now.

I miss mama and papa.
Nuno and Ate Criz
Achy Mei & Jarah and Kuya JayR
Jedje, Shobe and John John

I miss my friends...

I miss spending time in mama's office chatting with Auntie Oting, Kuya Jess, Manang Jhen and Al.

I miss Manung Juaning, Manang Andeng, Manang Ed and Manang Aida. [I wish I could still say.. Mang Eds, paki-plantsa naman.... Or, Manang Andeng! pabili naman ng... manung Juaning, pakikuha nga sa...]

I miss my 'promdi' life...

:-(

oooopsss...

;-)

But I am very happy because mama's blood sugar level went down. I really prayed for it. I Love Mama very much that I wish I'd go first then see her suffer.. [God, thanks for answering my prayers.. please continue protecting my family.. You know how much I Love them...]

^^^^^^^^

Well, What about studies?

PHILOSOPHY 2
Mr. Marollano
-We had a quiz today. [2 parts] I got 19/20 [almost perfect] on the second test and was not blessed to see my first one's.

NATURAL SCIENCE
Mrs.Santos
-Grabe! I had the chance to recite nah! [2 sticks for me!]

THEOLOGY 1
Mr. Bernabe
-Well, what can I say, this professor seems to be a lullaby-singer not only for me, but for the whole class!. Darn!. But i like this prof because he likes us.. ;-b

RIZAL COURSE
Mrs. Raquepo
-Fuckshyet! I hate this subject!

^^^^^^^^

Friends?

Lori and I went malling in Glorietta. I had much fun shopping with her [WINDOW SHOPPING ;-b]. I had the chance to be with her friends [sasha,don, and bebe] Had good time with them. I really find it very unusual that for the first time, I got to BE ME during my time with NEW PEOPLE.

^^^^^^^^

Tomorrow afternoon, Karel, Beth, Marna and I will go out together. [miz my barkada nah!] I hope tomotrrow will be much Okay.. No hassles, no worries, no problems...

^^^^^^^^
FUCKSHIT! Lovelife is STILL, nowhere to be found [santisima!]

^^^^^^^^
God, please answer all my prayers.. I Love you because I Love you... Thanks for Loving me...

Friday, July 02, 2004
THE SHORTEST...

Today's fine... Got nothin' to say. It's just that I'm like too bored today. NO LOVELIFE PARIN... :-C

Thursday, July 01, 2004
SORRY.. I'M HAPPY... ;-b

One word...
HAPPY.

I am happy.

I know I have missed 2 days of entries here. Not to mention the obvious at most instances where I ALWAYS tell stories about depression, sadness and anxieties... But, Hey! There's always a SILVER LINING...

Nung Isang Araw

gOsh! Matias and I are now in GoOoOod terms [hey! not that kinda thing!] I mean, I can say that I'm now doing good in his subject. All my answers during the recitation were correct because COMMON SENSE lang ang dapat gamitin. [hahaha! ;-b]

Wait, don't get me wrong ok? Hindi ako goody-two-shoes or even a brainiac-infected person like M.L.C.[yung klasm8 kong feeling] nor Si Mr. Pen [yung isa kopang F_E_E_L_I_N_G na klasm8]. I guess I'm just happy because at last, I haven't felt a bit of matias' annoying sarcasm.

^^^^^^^^

Kahapon... Bow...

I had my final interview with the Pr-Com Society's quest for new officers. I guess I made it all right. From the very heart-pounding venue during the primary interview to the breathable place in the avr, haaaaaaaay!.. I felt more comfortable and confident answering their questions.. I guess it's because I'm already used to being with [or talking to] them. The questions they asked? hmmm...

Why did you choose the position you applied for?
* I guess because I want to work in a position akin to my chosen course. And I guess, being an asst. treasurer is the closest one.

It's hard to become an asst. treasurer. It entails the collecting of money and those stuff. What if maraming pasaway na ayaw magbayad, anong gagawin mo?
*[ouch! parang lumulutang ang aking stomach] -smile para hindi halatang wala kang maisip isagot- Uhmmm.. I'll still try my best to collect their dues but if it gets tough - that I can no longer do it, I have to ask for higher people to help me. [gOsh!]

If you get the position, what would be your first project?
*{Anak ng pucha! ano nga ba?] Uhmmm... Ano po... Uhmm... Siguro po.. ano... uhm... di'po ba siksikan sa lobby tuwing labasan at pasukan lalo na pag dismissal ng A.M. at pasukan ng mga MID? I guess dahil dun sa may entrance kasi magulo. If may 'K' ako, maglalagay ako dun ng mga dividers para mas maayos.. Yun ay kung may 'K' ako..
KUYA JASON: "bakit? wala kabang K" ;-b
ATE CRISSY: "Wow, good observant"

---Marami pang questions---

Okay, LOGIc naman tayo... [tawanan lahat]

Ano'ng nauna, Chicken or Egg?
*Aha! Chicken po. kasi yung naksulat sa bible eh animals na po agad. hindi naman po sinabing nagumpisa sa larva or sa egg ang mga hayop. kaya, ChIcKeN...

I'll give you a peso, bring me a box of pizza, without adding money to that peso, how will you bring me 1 box of pizza?

*Uhm.. Dun po ako sa may entrance tapos mamamalimos ako para mabili kita ng pizza..
Pa'no pag walang magbigay sa'yo..
*Uhm.. bigay ko parin ung piso tapos mag-uwi nalang ako ng box ng pizza. kahit yung box lang..

Last question, May isang bungalow, yung ceiling, red, yung floor, pink, yung walls fuschia, ano'ng kulay ng staircase?
*[bigla kong naisip, nasa heart ba'ko.. dapat may color coordination]-confidently- Violet!...

Uulitin ko ang tanong kasi love kita...
*...Ah! Wala palang staircase kasi bungalow.. Sorry...

KUYA MAC: What if hindi ka makuha sa ORG, anong gagawin mo?
*Okay lang po, at least I have given my best without hurting anyone. and still,I'll give my all-out support for Pre-Com... kahit hindi ako nakuha[bow..]

Ate Crissy: Well, you answered all our questions correctly. HIghest ang I.Q. level mo... -smiles-

***haaaaay! natapos rin***

^^^^^^^^
Ngayon...
Okay naman.
We had a quiz sa RC [chicken! mahirap yung identification lang]
the rest was fine. may pinakilala si Eliza sa'min si CoCo [mistakenly called by me as RoCo.. harharhar ;-b] Umuwi me ng maaga kasi.. feel ko lang.. ;-b

Sana bukas mas OwKei Pa...
I hope my family would be shielded from sadness and bad vibrations... [miss kona talaga sila.. sObra!!]

I hope God hears me.. Love you God!..